Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in mahoganybohemia's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
6:53 pm	fuckshit! i did it again. another post, solely because i am back at home from school and i have isolated myself from the majority of my cincinnati past life. dayum. so my birthday was 4 days ago. and according to the rest of the world, i am twenty [20] years old now. i don't fucking believe it. i think it'll take me years to remember this little tidbit. it is absolutely blowing my mind and making me want to go rummage through my attic and try to fit into my favorite dress from 5th grade and pray, pray, pray that i can be 11 years old again when the living was easy and the times were good. damn damn damn. i suppose it could be worse. there's only one other option besides getting older. yeah. in other news, i have more coats than i know what to do with. my winter collection is bombastic. my room at school is finally properly decorated; the last salvador dali poster was hung with love and care the day i left. all of my 1st semester grades are in and while i could have done better, i am a mother fucking gangster for getting the grades i did with little to no effort, sans finals week. still. let's shoot for dean's list next semester. a little hard work never killed anyone. except john henry. i got a video ipod for christmas and it is dope dope dope dope dopppppppppee. i am praying that i wont ruin it like i've ruined every other thing with microchips that have come across my path in the past month. im hoping that sometime soon i'll wake up and morph into this ultra responsible, organized adult but i am still a total dumbass. man. i have been watching marathons of family guy, cuddling with ali, dancing around the house to the new ipod, giggling on aim, pretending to be a super model in my new clothes, sneaking candy canes from the christmas tree, playing tag with blitz, and generally just chilling out. things are superb. Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 17th, 2007
4:35 am	i think its really weird that i only post in my journal when i am home. i'm really never THAT busy at school. i should do this more often. it's therapeutic. anyway, so the semester is damn near at it's end and i can't even describe how much i've grown. ashley, version 2006, is so far in my rearview mirror. i am not ashamed or embarrassed anymore. i've grown. i've changed. i'm not where i need to be yet, but hell. isn't the journey more important than the destination? so i hear. my friends are my life source. i don't know what i would do or who i would be if they weren't there. i have never felt so close to a group of girls in my entire life. it's insane. i feel like they'll all be my bridesmaids in my wedding [banking on the notion that some man would be willing to commit his life to me]. my friendships are beautiful, thriving, and i am blessed. in other news...there is no other news. my work ethic could be MUCH better, but i am doing well in school this term. I still party more than I think is necessary, but hell. I'm only 19 and a sophomore at vanderbilt once in my life. i've been a picture taking fiend lately. i make no apologies for it. memories are to be made, damnit. my room at school is cleaner [and more brightly colored] than ever. michael refers to it as a "goddamn rainbow explosion". i must admit, that it looks like someone packaged a gay parade up and put it in a college dorm sized form but hey. i like bright colors. no apologies. speaking of gays, i applied for alternative spring break and i found out on thursday that i am going to NEW YORK CITY to work with hiv-positive/aids citizens in manhattan at the gay men's health crisis in the neighborhood of chelsea, manhattan. i fucking screamed when i realized i was going to new york. anyone who knows me knows that i am obsessed with the city; i havent been in 17 or so years. i'm just nervous about the people i will meet. no im not scared of gay people or of contract aids, im scared of making friendships and building relationships with people who are disappearing before my very eyes. it will be surreal and im sure that i will learn and grow up alot the week i am there. either way, i am excited and blessed to go. speaking of road trips, im going to iowa on new years to help out with the caucus. i am so so so so so excited. political science is definitely the love of my life. i willingly do reading for my classes, i am always enthused and interested, i wake up and fall asleep to msnbc, cnn, and npr. i cant wait to get out there and rally and campaign and make a mother fucking difference. that'd be great. since i'm back home, and he's home, something is bound to happen. i thought that we left all of that behind before summer hit, but for the past few weeks, its felt stronger than ever. he still has my heart, and im pretty sure he feels the same about me, and i wish there was some way we could not make this whole situation messy, keep the 300 miles in between us, but when he's right in front of me, there is no accounting for my lack of common sense. love does that sometimes. anyway, so i'm back. and i'm kind of in the mood for some goddamn cincinnati chili. no one does it better. no one. Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 16th, 2007
4:47 am	awuh shit. dang. it seems like everytime i write in here [i use that loosely since i have only written in here 3 times] it is at the oddest hour of the night. which i guess is the 4 o clock hour. i guess. wow i am horrible at this shit. i haven't written in some odd years. everything has changed since i wrote in here so there's no use in holding your hand and walking you through the hellish memories. it is what it is. and right now, it's beautiful and new. not new, like fresh off the boat new or fresh out of the carton or fresh off the rack. more like 2nd hand someone drycleaned it and here it is new. yeah. i guess thats sophomore year. this summer was insane and i would do it little to no justice to try to describe it in length but i will say this: stripclubs. the word "awuh". the majesty of the 6th floor. my silver stilletos. waffle house. thursday night fights. and rounds and rounds of monopoly. i am taking out the braids on my head right now. so i sorta have a halfro, type thing going on. if i was a better woman, i'd rock this. but the convention in me is forcing me to take the rest of it out, wash my hair, and get it braided back before next friday sneaks up on me and i have to be Ashley Who Smiles and is Everyone's Best Friend and Even if You Hurt Her Feelings She Has Some Witty Retort and Everyone Forgets About it But Hours Later She is Bitter and Solemn and Pissed. yeah. i have obligations to fulfill. in the meantime, my brother goes off to school saturday and i am scared for him. this world is barely enough for me to handle and im scared it will spit him out whole. but he has always been fine so why do i worry. i worry too much. i worry like its an epidemic and clearly there is no cure in sight. i worry like worrying is oxygen and i fucking cannot take it anymore someone asphyxiate me so i can be like him and her and YOU goddamn. also in the meantime, the pressure is on for me to perform at astounding heights. 18 hours, political science/ sociology major. can she balance a job? and a social life? can she afford to go out on thursday night with a paper on the judicial process due the next morning? and what will her friends say if she bails on them? and what will her parents say if she gets an F on said paper and they say she is the biggest failure ever. and what if she buys a round for her friends going out on this thursday night runs up her credit card bill and her parents freak out and call her a complete irresponsible little bitch and cut her off and then she has no money her gpa is dying her friends run off with other friends that have money for this type of thing and have a stable work ethic so they do homework on thursdays afternoon so they can go out guilt free on thursday nights because like omg ashley dont you know at vanderbilt we work hard and party hard he he he oh are you going to do that line? bc if you dont move out of the way bc i plan to get so fucking gone tonight. yeah it's all hypothetics but hypothetics in the loosest of loose senses. i dont feel like looking over what i just read because i feel like it was honest and if i misspelled something then i'll get over it months from now when i do eventually read over it some day that i am blowing off my paper on the judicial process while i am getting ready to go out on a thursday night. i know myself better than you know yourself, this we can be sure. and just because i still don't drink doesn't mean that i won't get high with you so don't be afraid to ask, alright. at least i think i still don't drink. perhaps that is my hangover talking. its 5 o'clock in the morning and nashville is an entire timezone away and even though my bed is right here it feels like home home home. i'm a loose cannon in a confined space, let me loose. my head is light on one side, heavy on the other. i like it that way, but i have obligations to keep. and miles to go before i sleep. and miles to go before i sleep. (Comment on this)
Friday, February 23rd, 2007
4:53 am	that night that i couldn't sleep again shit. did i even spell mahogany right? shit shit shit. that's so typical of me. inquiring, 7 months later. lately, it seems like i'm 7 months too late for everything. i should have caught that speeding bullet instead of falling in love with you. shit. in the story of my life, i'd like to call this exact moment loneliness. in addition to the preceeding, i have been crowned as a fashion guru and a literary genius. these hats do not fit me. i saw him the other day. our auras conversed, but nothing more. the fact that he knows where i am and how i am doing will probably be my deepest shame. i want to pull these wisdom teeth the hell out. i want to extract all of this pain. if i do, i will probably end up with nothing. as nothing. it might be scary, but it might be beautiful, so it is worth a shot. put your hands where my eyes can see. trusting you more than you trust me. let's not get carried away. stomp stomp stomp in the vineyard of our dreams! shit. this entry is unnecessary. perhaps it is a late night ramble. perhaps this is all that i have. my cards are on the table. awake is the new asleep. why can't i spell frustrated? goodnight. yeah. Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Monday, January 8th, 2007
12:55 am	antithesis of magenta. i have no idea why i have been writing in this so often lately. i guess there are alot of things to be said that i am uncomfortable to say. for a lack of better terms, things have been shitty. however, i have a new pair of 3 inch red high heels that make me feel like a princess. still. not good enough. i dont know how to make everything right again im not sure if it is my circumstances that are broken. i think it might be me. GREYGREYGREYGREY! everything is grey and i miss my PURPLEYELLOWBLUEMAGENTTAAAAAAAAAA i think my body is fresh out of tears. let's keep this between us. Current Mood: restless (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
7:41 pm	champion. i forgot that i had this! i've been forgetting alot of things lately. a whole semester has passed by since i wrote in this. a summation of my first semester: clearly. jazz novemberCRISIS (part deux) owen school of management. chicken noodle soup, accompanied by soda. alumni lawn melee. 1743! icecold. gold stillettos two sizes too large. youtube debut. sunset grill. theBLOB,theBUTT,theSTORM. serenades, serenades. this semester looks promising. i'm predicting: crocus buds. floor length dresses. and green slurpees at midnight. it all makes perfect sense, more sense than anything i have ever witnessed before. this, is home. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: 32 flavors-ani difranco (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
3:03 pm	becoming giants. does anyone know..how to make this shit prettier? so we packed the tahoe. all up. with my stuff. my mom was being judicious. about what to bring. my brother was too, since he has to carry it all. however i, want to wrap my world up into a woven quilt take it with me and hide. from the bad things. i hope nothing is bad. and everything is beautiful. hope only accommodates disappointment. whatever. i'm on my way to fantasy camp. tomorrow! Current Music: the smallest voice- animal collective (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 12th, 2006
6:21 pm	dramamine. i'm going to be absolutely sick. everything is happening so fast. i leave cincinnati in less than 48 hours what about my bestfriendboyfriendfamilydoghomecarschoolchurch none of it matters. anymore. i guess. packing up my room is surreal. deciding on what to take and not to take is hardest. teddy bears - check. clothes - check. but is there any room for a picture with an ex-boyfriend? probably. but do i want to make room for such heartaches? leave them in cincinnati and start anew? cincinnati-- dumping ground for all the shit i want to forget. my room is a landfill and a ghosttown at all the same time. i dont really feel like me. the stress is one ive never felt before. its the feeling i feel when i'm at kings island on drop zone and i know i'm 200 feet in the air and i'm about to fall. i feel so sick. swallowing dramamine. Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: the dutch courage - the spill canvas (Comment on this)